About 15 minutes ago I realized that I am really and truly going to Ecuador until the end of March. Then I decided there is no part of me that wants to leave right now. I love everyone here and the thought of leaving them is scaring me so much right now. I do not want to go. I want to stay here. What was I thinking?
Spanish. I want to learn Spanish, and that is why I'm going. And I like traveling. I guess that will be fun too.
BUT I AM SO AFRAID. I am going to miss everyone so much. I am worried I won't be able to talk to everyone from here very much at all. What if I can't contact them for some reason? I just want to stay with them. I don't want to go live with a random family and make new friends and live in a foreign culture. I want my own family, friends and culture.
This honestly feels like the first day of preschool all over again. I'm being handed over to strangers and leaving the comforts at home. I hated it then and I hate it now. I want to beg my mom not to make me go, just like before. How is there really only a week for me to pack up my belongings and leave the country? I need more time.
Why do I have to be going on this trip when everything in my life is going so well? Couldn't this have occurred at a time when I was mad at the world? When everything was terrible and I wanted to get away? Now, I'm happy with my life, and it's getting ripped away from me and I hate it.
I'll update later when my feelings change (which they will...?), but I feel ill right now.
