I hate complaining. I really do. However, BIG HOWEVER, it seems like that is all I have been doing lately. I feel bad about it, too. Poor Matt has to handle me being in a bad mood all the time. I feel like I can never do anything fun at all, because I have school work that is waiting for me. It's so stressful and I really hate it. I have never felt this way toward school before. I mean, never. I have been in school for 18 years of my life, but I've never felt pressured like this. It's so much.
I just keep wish I were back in undergrad, where (now) it seems so safe and protected. There seems to be so many venues waiting help you with whatever problems come your way. Now, I feel like I am totally alone in this. Which, when you go to a school that is located 2,000 miles away from you, I guess you do start to feel a little isolated.
I don't know. I just feel like, all at once, I became an adult. It's so scary, and I just feel so alone all of the sudden. Honestly, a lot of times, my family stresses me out even more when I talk to them, and I feel like such a terrible girlfriend complaining to Matt all the time too. It's not even just that I feel like "bad girlfriend", but I don't want to spend all my time that I talk to him to be moaning and groaning. I love him, and I hate doing that to him, because he doesn't deserve to hear all of that stuff.
Bleh. It's so difficult to describe the way that all of this is making me feel, but it's not good. It's not really depression, but maybe a lot of anxiety. It seems like the world is whooshing by and I'm just standing here, dumbfounded. I want to cry and just stay in bed all day and not doing anything. Maybe not even all day. Just an hour.
ALL THAT...and I think there is something going on with my health. My ankle hurts tremendously, for starters. I am getting these weird head dizziness issues lately--like vertigo kind of feelings, and just feeling nauseas kind of. My toes do a tingling thing and sometimes my fingers and tongue too.
I need help, that's all I know.
