I need to be up in four hours. Whoops. Ew. This is going to be bad. I have to work with small children. I am going to die. I want sleep. I want eight long, luxurious hours of sleep. I want to nap in the noon time and be happy. UGHGH, nooooo to work. NOOO!

In my Heart and on my Mind

Love and inspiration.

Love is on my mind. I just watched Twilight (yesss, that movie), and although the film itself is rather lacking, it's difficult not to become immersed in the love story. After watching it, I found myself thinking about love. Not just romantic love, but all kinds of love. I love love. It feels so good. It makes you happy, but more than happy. Joyful. Love is a wonderful thing.

It comes in so many forms. Love between you and a significant other, a mother and child, friends and God's love too. It stirs up intense emotions. It makes you feel something far greater than simple happiness could ever do. Love is beautiful.

Inspiration is on my mind tonight too. I always feel so inspired after looking at great artwork. I find it especially inspiring to look at artwork created by people who don't feel so distant. It's much more enjoyable to see things made by "real people". For example, pictures on flickr or things on etsy.com. Today I visited Anthropologie, one of my favorite places to look (and unfortunately, for the most part, not buy). There are so many beautiful things there. It's just an inspirational place to go. It makes you want to make things. There are so many unique things there, most of which feel so handmade. Everything seems like it has been handled with care from the minute the idea was conceived. I wish that I could someday be able to create things.

-feeling very in love and inspired.

Words About Topics

Laying here thinking about things in the wee hours of the morning is forcing me to feel so many mixed emotions.

I really miss Ohio State. I loved that place so much. I made a countless amount of wonderful memories there. I knew I belonged. It was definitely a sense of family, much more so than this world I'm living in now. Having that huge group of comrades around at all times was such a comfort. Right now, I miss that school more than anything.

On a similar (but not really) note, I've been thinking about people I miss and don't miss. How is it that you can bond so deeply with some people, yet others you couldn't care less what they thought or had to say? I'm so grateful for the few people in my life with whom I share a deep connection. Only a select handful of friends know the real me. It is hard to open yourself up and give yourself away to others, and after you do, you form an unbreakable bond with that individual. Or so I'd like to think.

I love God so much. I want so much more of Him in my life. I try to let Jesus into my life more and more, but I know that often times I ignore Him. God knows me, He knows my heart and I trust in Him. I know He loves me, because I am His child. I want to love Him more. I need to. How can I live in such a way that I am becoming more like Jesus? I want to, I really do, but I keep getting caught in worldly matters. It's frustrating and difficult. This isn't an easy place to live.

Happy New Year!

I'm not sure how to react to this new year. It's officially 2010, about 4 hours into it now. I feel a little...weird. I don't know why, but all of the sudden I'm having a little shock to the system. I'm 23 years old, as of yesterday. I'm a real, live grown up now. Oh-em-gee, I'm a woman!

Seriously, though...I think that I started getting a little depressed, because I started thinking about the decade that lies ahead. (I hope my next statement isn't true) It seems like 2000-2010 was such an amazing decade, so I'm just not sure how I will be able to top it. I don't want that to have been my life peak, but I can't help but wonder. "They" say that your high school and college years are the best of your life, aka 2001-2009. I really hope not! Not that those years weren't amazing, but I don't want it to get icky from here on out. I hope I will continue making wonderful, happy memories with the people I love. I want to be able to love the next decade as much as I loved this last one.

In closing, here are my wishes for 2010:

To all my friends, family and loves, I hope that this year will be the greatest of your lives so far. I want the best for each and every one of you. I pray that your lives will be happier than ever before. I want that you take time to enjoy even the simplest of things and realize all that is good in your world. Even the smallest token of kindness should be appreciated and reciprocated. Love like you've never loved before, and live with the same attitude. Become a better person, because no one is perfect. Live well. Be merry. Have fun. Life is too short to dwell on the past or worry about the future. Be part of the present, because it's gone in a flash.

Peace and love in the new year.

Confederate flag, cut off men's tank tops, sweaty hats, UFC fights, Ed Hardy/Affliction tees, men's short sleeved button downs.

Ew.

Least Fave Things.

Social Networking.

I am totally and completely a social networking fiend [Note: This is what the majority of the world would deem a nerd]. Honestly, these sites are the first thing I check in the morning and the last thing I find myself doing at night. Twitter, Facebook, Flickr, Tumblr, Blogger. I love them! I wouldn't say I was obsessed exactly, but I definitely spend more than my fair share of time roaming around these sites.

I think I love the fact that even though you are behind a computer screen, you are still interacting socially with the people around you. It's the same as one would have gone and say, hung out in a bar, in the olden days (1999). However, the bar is just a little bigger these days. There are more people, broader interests, greater variety, and maybe even a little less alcoholism. Each site, or online meeting place, if you will, serves a totally different purpose. For me, it goes like this:

Facebook--a site for me to keep up with the people I actually do spend time with in "real life". Also, a good way to reconnect with old chums that have been lost along the way (think high school friends). And, lastly, not to mention most shamefully, I must admit it is a great way to stalk other peoples' lives. As I always say though, if people didn't want you to look, they wouldn't put it on the internet.

Twitter--I know a lot of people use it as a more "general audience" tool than Facebook. For me though, I find that my tweets are much more personal than my statuses on Facebook. Perhaps it is because I choose to maintain a private Twitter account paired with the fact that I have less than 30 followers. I feel I can be more true to myself in an environment where only a few people are reading my thoughts.

Flickr--This is my most recent addition to my social networking lineup. I love it because I enjoy receiving feedback on my photos. Also, I really like viewing other peoples' work and commenting on it as well. It is a great learning tool and very unlike the other networking sites I partake in.

Tumblr--I would say I have a love/hate relationship with Tumblr. At first, I loved it, but there is only so much time you can spend editing and updating a page that you feel as though no one views. So, I quit using it for a time. However, I have returned and have a new page now. I'm just using it to post photography mostly. It's mostly just for my own enjoyment and self-accountability, but it would be nice to have others enjoy it as well.

Blogger--It's odd for me to think of Blogger as a social networking site. I know it is, but it is easy to forget that when you are writing almost solely for yourself. I know there are a few people who read this blog off and on, but it is pretty private. Only a handful of my friends know this blog exists and they are a few that I trust deeply. Therefore, I am extremely open on here. I treat it as a semi-private journal and almost always forget that other people will be reading. It's a nice place for me to write and let out my feelings.

Anyway, that's my take on social networking and whatnot. There's no real reason for this post, other than the fact that it was on my mind.

I Want.

I want to be a better girlfriend

I want to be the best girlfriend

I want to be the closest friend

I want better

I want the world

I want to find my talents

I want to be authentic

I want originality in my life

I want to be free

I want to rip things up and start anew

I want to live fuller

I want to find wisdom

I want to love deeply

I want to breathe the purest air

I want to see everything

I want to know God's love as well as humanly possible

I want to feel

I want to be unrestrained

I want to experience pure and utter bliss

I want to stop judging

I want to grow spiritually

I want to learn every single day of my life

I want to wear a genuine smile

I want to open every door and explore

I want to achieve my dreams

I want to work hard

I want to be more than an average girl

I want to be beautiful

I want to be courageous

I want to write eloquently and speak with dignity

I want to have an informed opinion

I want to be in control

I want to learn to lose control

I want to face my fears

I want to show my family I love them

I want to show everyone I love them

I want to be strange

I want dignity

I want to stand out in the crowd

I want to be different

I want to please

I want to admit when I'm wrong

I want to cry out

I want to be who I am meant to be

I want to feel at peace

I want to have passion

I want more