Anti Resume: How Not to Get the Job

Objective: To make money, obviously.

Education:

School of Online

Teaching and stuff

GPA: 4.0 (in the one class I've had)

O.S.U

Major: Communication (L.O.L.)

GPA: 3.something (in communication, hahah)

Experience (or lack of):

Preschool

Sub

-Almost throwing up whilst changing diapers

-Covering for teachers who don't feel like coming in

-Making up possibly age appropriate projects off the top of my head

Ohio State

Student Employee

-Surfed the internet for hours

-Talked to fellow employees about random subjects

-Lollygagged

Toy Store

-Drew pictures on bags

-idk?

Skillz:

-Procrastinating

-Writing papers that should take days in under an hour

-Being totally unorganized at all times

-Smiling

Hire me :)

I have been so busy lately. It makes me sad. I have had hardly any time to do the things I love. I never read for pleasure anymore. I can't find time to even write on this, or any other, forum. I rarely even listen to music. All of my outlets are out of reach, it seems. Even as I write this, I can't help but think that I should really be sleeping. I have to go to work in the morning for 8 hours, only after I work out for an hour. So, basically, as always, I will get no sleep. Happily, I am going to a baseball game in the evening though. Clippers, yeah!

It's just hard to be in school, working all the time and trying to have an actual life. I want to concentrate on being healthy, getting good grades, making money and balancing all my various relationships. The phrase, "life is hard," rings truer now than ever. I mean, I have never felt this busy, ever. Four years of college and 13 years of school before that have never made me feel this way!

Anyway, complaining or not, it's nice to have some sort of semi-creative outlet to dispense all of these feelings. They've just been overwhelming me and sort of making me go crazy. So, now I give them to you, World Wide Web. Thanks!

By the way, I just noticed every paragraph ended with an exclamation point. Good, now I've turned into one of *those* people. I'm fitting into the stereotypical teacher role quite nicely. Awesome...

It's not like I've never been stressed before, because I have. I would think I would know how to balance school and work with everything else life hands my way. Honestly, I feel like a huge baby when I see people at my work who are parents, work full time and go to school. I mean, obviously, if they can do it, I can too. I just feel so overwhelmed. It seems like it will never end and that every time I turn around there is something new to do.

I hate complaining. I really do. However, BIG HOWEVER, it seems like that is all I have been doing lately. I feel bad about it, too. Poor Matt has to handle me being in a bad mood all the time. I feel like I can never do anything fun at all, because I have school work that is waiting for me. It's so stressful and I really hate it. I have never felt this way toward school before. I mean, never. I have been in school for 18 years of my life, but I've never felt pressured like this. It's so much.

I just keep wish I were back in undergrad, where (now) it seems so safe and protected. There seems to be so many venues waiting help you with whatever problems come your way. Now, I feel like I am totally alone in this. Which, when you go to a school that is located 2,000 miles away from you, I guess you do start to feel a little isolated.

I don't know. I just feel like, all at once, I became an adult. It's so scary, and I just feel so alone all of the sudden. Honestly, a lot of times, my family stresses me out even more when I talk to them, and I feel like such a terrible girlfriend complaining to Matt all the time too. It's not even just that I feel like "bad girlfriend", but I don't want to spend all my time that I talk to him to be moaning and groaning. I love him, and I hate doing that to him, because he doesn't deserve to hear all of that stuff.

Bleh. It's so difficult to describe the way that all of this is making me feel, but it's not good. It's not really depression, but maybe a lot of anxiety. It seems like the world is whooshing by and I'm just standing here, dumbfounded. I want to cry and just stay in bed all day and not doing anything. Maybe not even all day. Just an hour.

ALL THAT...and I think there is something going on with my health. My ankle hurts tremendously, for starters. I am getting these weird head dizziness issues lately--like vertigo kind of feelings, and just feeling nauseas kind of. My toes do a tingling thing and sometimes my fingers and tongue too.

I need help, that's all I know.

I need to be up in four hours. Whoops. Ew. This is going to be bad. I have to work with small children. I am going to die. I want sleep. I want eight long, luxurious hours of sleep. I want to nap in the noon time and be happy. UGHGH, nooooo to work. NOOO!

In my Heart and on my Mind

Love and inspiration.

Love is on my mind. I just watched Twilight (yesss, that movie), and although the film itself is rather lacking, it's difficult not to become immersed in the love story. After watching it, I found myself thinking about love. Not just romantic love, but all kinds of love. I love love. It feels so good. It makes you happy, but more than happy. Joyful. Love is a wonderful thing.

It comes in so many forms. Love between you and a significant other, a mother and child, friends and God's love too. It stirs up intense emotions. It makes you feel something far greater than simple happiness could ever do. Love is beautiful.

Inspiration is on my mind tonight too. I always feel so inspired after looking at great artwork. I find it especially inspiring to look at artwork created by people who don't feel so distant. It's much more enjoyable to see things made by "real people". For example, pictures on flickr or things on etsy.com. Today I visited Anthropologie, one of my favorite places to look (and unfortunately, for the most part, not buy). There are so many beautiful things there. It's just an inspirational place to go. It makes you want to make things. There are so many unique things there, most of which feel so handmade. Everything seems like it has been handled with care from the minute the idea was conceived. I wish that I could someday be able to create things.

-feeling very in love and inspired.

Words About Topics

Laying here thinking about things in the wee hours of the morning is forcing me to feel so many mixed emotions.

I really miss Ohio State. I loved that place so much. I made a countless amount of wonderful memories there. I knew I belonged. It was definitely a sense of family, much more so than this world I'm living in now. Having that huge group of comrades around at all times was such a comfort. Right now, I miss that school more than anything.

On a similar (but not really) note, I've been thinking about people I miss and don't miss. How is it that you can bond so deeply with some people, yet others you couldn't care less what they thought or had to say? I'm so grateful for the few people in my life with whom I share a deep connection. Only a select handful of friends know the real me. It is hard to open yourself up and give yourself away to others, and after you do, you form an unbreakable bond with that individual. Or so I'd like to think.

I love God so much. I want so much more of Him in my life. I try to let Jesus into my life more and more, but I know that often times I ignore Him. God knows me, He knows my heart and I trust in Him. I know He loves me, because I am His child. I want to love Him more. I need to. How can I live in such a way that I am becoming more like Jesus? I want to, I really do, but I keep getting caught in worldly matters. It's frustrating and difficult. This isn't an easy place to live.

Happy New Year!

I'm not sure how to react to this new year. It's officially 2010, about 4 hours into it now. I feel a little...weird. I don't know why, but all of the sudden I'm having a little shock to the system. I'm 23 years old, as of yesterday. I'm a real, live grown up now. Oh-em-gee, I'm a woman!

Seriously, though...I think that I started getting a little depressed, because I started thinking about the decade that lies ahead. (I hope my next statement isn't true) It seems like 2000-2010 was such an amazing decade, so I'm just not sure how I will be able to top it. I don't want that to have been my life peak, but I can't help but wonder. "They" say that your high school and college years are the best of your life, aka 2001-2009. I really hope not! Not that those years weren't amazing, but I don't want it to get icky from here on out. I hope I will continue making wonderful, happy memories with the people I love. I want to be able to love the next decade as much as I loved this last one.

In closing, here are my wishes for 2010:

To all my friends, family and loves, I hope that this year will be the greatest of your lives so far. I want the best for each and every one of you. I pray that your lives will be happier than ever before. I want that you take time to enjoy even the simplest of things and realize all that is good in your world. Even the smallest token of kindness should be appreciated and reciprocated. Love like you've never loved before, and live with the same attitude. Become a better person, because no one is perfect. Live well. Be merry. Have fun. Life is too short to dwell on the past or worry about the future. Be part of the present, because it's gone in a flash.

Peace and love in the new year.