Confederate flag, cut off men's tank tops, sweaty hats, UFC fights, Ed Hardy/Affliction tees, men's short sleeved button downs.

Ew.

Least Fave Things.

Social Networking.

I am totally and completely a social networking fiend [Note: This is what the majority of the world would deem a nerd]. Honestly, these sites are the first thing I check in the morning and the last thing I find myself doing at night. Twitter, Facebook, Flickr, Tumblr, Blogger. I love them! I wouldn't say I was obsessed exactly, but I definitely spend more than my fair share of time roaming around these sites.

I think I love the fact that even though you are behind a computer screen, you are still interacting socially with the people around you. It's the same as one would have gone and say, hung out in a bar, in the olden days (1999). However, the bar is just a little bigger these days. There are more people, broader interests, greater variety, and maybe even a little less alcoholism. Each site, or online meeting place, if you will, serves a totally different purpose. For me, it goes like this:

Facebook--a site for me to keep up with the people I actually do spend time with in "real life". Also, a good way to reconnect with old chums that have been lost along the way (think high school friends). And, lastly, not to mention most shamefully, I must admit it is a great way to stalk other peoples' lives. As I always say though, if people didn't want you to look, they wouldn't put it on the internet.

Twitter--I know a lot of people use it as a more "general audience" tool than Facebook. For me though, I find that my tweets are much more personal than my statuses on Facebook. Perhaps it is because I choose to maintain a private Twitter account paired with the fact that I have less than 30 followers. I feel I can be more true to myself in an environment where only a few people are reading my thoughts.

Flickr--This is my most recent addition to my social networking lineup. I love it because I enjoy receiving feedback on my photos. Also, I really like viewing other peoples' work and commenting on it as well. It is a great learning tool and very unlike the other networking sites I partake in.

Tumblr--I would say I have a love/hate relationship with Tumblr. At first, I loved it, but there is only so much time you can spend editing and updating a page that you feel as though no one views. So, I quit using it for a time. However, I have returned and have a new page now. I'm just using it to post photography mostly. It's mostly just for my own enjoyment and self-accountability, but it would be nice to have others enjoy it as well.

Blogger--It's odd for me to think of Blogger as a social networking site. I know it is, but it is easy to forget that when you are writing almost solely for yourself. I know there are a few people who read this blog off and on, but it is pretty private. Only a handful of my friends know this blog exists and they are a few that I trust deeply. Therefore, I am extremely open on here. I treat it as a semi-private journal and almost always forget that other people will be reading. It's a nice place for me to write and let out my feelings.

Anyway, that's my take on social networking and whatnot. There's no real reason for this post, other than the fact that it was on my mind.

I Want.

I want to be a better girlfriend

I want to be the best girlfriend

I want to be the closest friend

I want better

I want the world

I want to find my talents

I want to be authentic

I want originality in my life

I want to be free

I want to rip things up and start anew

I want to live fuller

I want to find wisdom

I want to love deeply

I want to breathe the purest air

I want to see everything

I want to know God's love as well as humanly possible

I want to feel

I want to be unrestrained

I want to experience pure and utter bliss

I want to stop judging

I want to grow spiritually

I want to learn every single day of my life

I want to wear a genuine smile

I want to open every door and explore

I want to achieve my dreams

I want to work hard

I want to be more than an average girl

I want to be beautiful

I want to be courageous

I want to write eloquently and speak with dignity

I want to have an informed opinion

I want to be in control

I want to learn to lose control

I want to face my fears

I want to show my family I love them

I want to show everyone I love them

I want to be strange

I want dignity

I want to stand out in the crowd

I want to be different

I want to please

I want to admit when I'm wrong

I want to cry out

I want to be who I am meant to be

I want to feel at peace

I want to have passion

I want more

"H-e-double hockey sticks"

Yesterday, I was at the preschool subbing with the 2-year-olds. We went in the gymnasium running around, while the three-year-olds were playing with a parachute. As I watched them waving the chute around, one boy got a bit agitated. The next words out of his mouth, in response to whatever the first child did to irritate him, were, "What the hell was that for?"

At first, I thought I may have heard wrong, but upon seeing his teachers' faces, it was confirmed that he actually had said it. The assistant teacher pulled him aside and told him to never say it again, etc. and the lead teacher called to her, "He probably doesn't realize it's a bad word." He cried as he was reprimanded, then went back on his merry way with the rest of the children.

It was sad though. Of course, at age three, you can only assume he is hearing that word frequently at home. Why else would he utter such a thing? It's never used at school, by teachers who specifically work to not say any foul language.

Parents fail to realize just how preceptive children are. Perhaps, the sentence was never used directly to him, but maybe it was used in a fight between parents. Or an older brother or sister said it to friends. It's hard to say. It's little incidences like this, however, that mold a person. I think often about how each little tiny piece of our life influences us, no matter how small we think it is at the time.

I think that is one reason I want to be an elementary school teacher. I want to be part of what molds people's lives. In my opinion, early experiences are some of the biggest and most life altering. They are things that shape our very core. I want to make sure I am part of what influences a child's life. Hopefully, I can change the course of their lives for the better. Can a teacher really do that? I don't know, but if it is possible, I want to try.

School/Salt/School

Earlier today, I was thinking, "Hmmm, I should write a blog with more direction. I need to pick a topic and stick with it. I try to throw way too much random stuff into mine. I bet it would be a lot more interesting if I just wrote on one topic." I'm sure that's all true and those are valid points. I just can't bring myself to do it.

Maybe it's the fact that this is a replacement for a journal (for the most part). Also, I have so many varied, never stagnant, interests that it would be nearly impossible to choose one and write solely about that one thing. I shudder thinking about that.

On that note, I was really excited today when I found out that I was accepted into the early childhood education master's program at Arizona State University. I've been anxiously awaiting the verdict for a few months and I am happy the verdict brought good news! Unfortunately, the high of being admitted was quickly shoved aside by the reality that I need to find the funds to pay for it all. I'm sure it will work itself out though. I guess everything always does.

Second big note of the day, I attempted a saline rinse (some call it the saltwater wash, but I find 'saline rinse' to sound slightly more appealing). It was an interesting experience. I poured a cool glass of water, stirred some table salt in and gargled. Immediately, I spit out the mixture, realizing it should have been warm. It's odd that generally the last thing I would drink would be warm water, however when mixed with salt, it seems unnatural cold. So, I again mixed my saline solution, only this time with warm water. I gargled again, felt like I was in the cheapest version of the ocean for about 5 seconds, and spit. Then the really fun part came in. Using a baster, I squeezed some of my warm saltwater (get ready for it) up my nose. Yes, in one nostril, out the other. It was as disgusting as it sounds, but I think it helped. My nose definitely cleared out, and on the upside, it reminded me of the beach. All in all, not a bad experience.

Tomorrow, and the rest of the week, I am working with the infants at school. As much as I love babies, and I really, honestly do, I am not looking forward to it. I enjoy being around babies. I think they are adorable and cuddly, but I am just not used to them. I think I am a little scared of them. Scratch that, I am scared of myself around them. I don't want to hurt them or upset them. I just don't have experience around babies and I feel like I'm not adequately trained to spend time with them. It's slightly frightening to be around little people who don't talk or walk and be able to understand how to communicate with and understand them. It's something I will have to get used to, especially this week, as I will be spending the majority of my week with them.

I guess I should go to bed now. I need to get some rest before my long day tomorrow. Hopefully, everything will go smoothly. Before I go, I just want to make the observation that I wrote twice as much about pouring salt water down my nose and mouth than I did about being accepted into my master's program. That is me. That is Jessica in a nutshell. Goodnight!

How does one manage to feel incredibly tired all day, yet somehow finds it impossible to sleep at night? I find myself in this predicament tonight. Honestly, I find myself here many a night. However, tomorrow, I am scheduled to be at work by 8:3oam. Wake up in less than four hours. I can only imagine that this is going to be a terribly tired Tuesday.

I just want to sleep. I knew I should have downed some Benadryl when I had the chance. Nothing like a little OTC medicine to knock you out. Sorry if I sound a bit whacko, but the thought of working with little children all day on no sleep just sounds horrific. I will need coffee. Lots of coffee.

I'm glad I've clearly resorted to drugs as the answer. In one fell swoop (or paragraph, as the case may be), I've mentioned my regret for not taking a drug to put me to sleep and the desire I have to use another that will wake me up in the morning. So is the life of the American adult.

It's no wonder we pump ourselves full of medication. The demands of the outside world are hard to deal with. There are 168 hours in a week: you spend 40 hours working & supposedly 56 of them sleeping...that leaves 72 hours for all other activities and commitments. 3 days...3 DAYS out of 7 that you are allowed to spend freely. Not even that, once you add in chores, errands, driving, and whatever other unpleasantries the week may bring you. I'd venture to say you are left with about 2 days a week of relaxation (ah, yes, the weekend).

As a write this, I wonder where I was trying to go with this whole thing, and honestly, I'm not sure, but it is making me tired.