Who's in Control Now?!?!

If I could have one super power, what would it be?  SEEING THE FUTURE.

Hands down, this is what I would choose.  And, the reason I'm writing this isn't because of some fourth grade-esque journal writing assignment.  It is simply this:  If I could actually see the future, I would feel so much more in control of my life.  Whether or not I would TRULY be in control is yet to be determined.

I don't know how many times I have begged, "God, please, please, please just let me see how my life is going to end up, even just a two-second flash or glimpse into my future would be good enough for me", or something to that affect.  Time and time again, I have been denied this luxury.  I'm trying to come to the conclusion that it's never going to happen.  I'm going to forever live not knowing where I'm going in life.

It's not that I don't have anything to live for now, because I do.  I just don't know what steps to take to end up where I need to be.  I guess, when I put it that way, my logic is all flawed.  Nothing is certain, and I suppose you could say you have to make goals out of everything.  Usually, we just don't consciously do this.  

It's difficult for me to make what ever is to come in my life into a giant goal.  How can one even attempt that?  "Oh, well, my goal is to have six children and live in a two-story home near Cape Cod.  So, I mean, it's my goal."  That just sounds outlandish to me.  You cannot make a "goal" out of everything.  UGHHH!  I am so frustrated trying to work this out in my mind.

I guess I am asking for information not meant for me.  I believe that I have free will to make the choices I want to make.  I also believe that God knows what choices I will make and how my life will turn out.  So, in asking to know the future, I am asking to know what God knows, which is ridiculous.  I cannot expect to be God or have his knowledge.  If I were FULLY in control of my life, and only did things according to what my predetermined future would be, then...I guess I wouldn't really be in control at all.

It's interesting, I guess when it comes down to it, the only way to be in control of your life is to not know how it will turn out.  Hmmm.  What a great system.

Complexity of Laughter

I was explaining to someone my scale of online laughing.  I have explained it before, but here it is, in summary:

Haha=I acknowledge that you are saying something meant to be humorous.  I may or may not find it funny, but I'm letting you know, that I know, that you think it's funny.

Hahah=I actually find what you said to be amusing.  I definitely laughed, but it may or may not have been out loud.

Hahahahhah (or some form of multiple hahas)=This means that you have made me laugh, out loud.  I am possibly cracking up.  Ending in an 'h' indicates a heartier laugh, as I was clearly laughing so hard, that I have completely disregarded the correct spelling of the word 'haha'.

Hah=This one is complicated because it has so many meanings.  The first is, what you said was not intended to be humorous and I don't know what else to say, therefore the 'hah' becomes a filler.  The second, you have said something meant to be funny, but I don't find it funny--at all.  It can also be used when I am laughing at some sort of pun that is worth a chuckle at its clever, yet dumb nature.

Ha=You are trying to be funny, and I just don't care to humor you, yet cannot disregard your attempt.

Other Internet Laughing

There are other forms of laughing I OCCASIONALLY use on the internet, however, I rarely veer from the "Haha System":

LOL:  Used quite rarely by me, partially as a reaction to the LOL epidemic sweeping my generation.  

Example--"john that is like soooo funny lol. i can't believe u ate that lol.  lol ur crazy lol."

Another reason not to use "LOL"?  If someone says something, and you respond "Laugh out loud", what you generally mean is, "Laughing out loud".  As in, I am laughing out loud right now at your hilarious comment.  Therefore LOL is gramatically incorrect, and I just can't have that.  Sometimes, I will resort to LingOL to fix this problem, or I will simply tell someone that I am "actually laughing out loud".  Yes, I realize that this is defeating the purpose of the shorthand, but it makes me feel better and I will continue to say it as I see fit.

Lastly, and probably most importantly, if you say to someone "LOL" and you have not, in fact, laughed out loud, you are a liar.  Period.  Try and live with that.

Jaja:  Spanish version of "haha".  Used when I am feeling exotic.

COTI:  Chuckling On The Inside.  A much more acceptable version of the "LOL" because it is telling the truth.  No need to hide your true reaction through false acronyms.  Just tell the world that their jokes were funny enough to cause a chuckle on the inside, but certainly not enough to warrant laughing aloud.

And, that, is the complexity of laughing.  No joke.

Has Judgment Day Arrived? Didn't Think So...

I'm angry.

Why is it that "liberal" people are constantly telling conservatives, especially conservative Christians, that they can't believe what they do?

Liberal minded individuals always remind us to be open and tolerant--something they most certainly are not!  Sure, they are open and tolerant to the things they think are okay, but are they tolerant of people who believe homosexuality is wrong, abortion should be illegal and the belief that Jesus is the only way to salvation?!  No, they are definitely not open to that.

My fury was fueled by a "status" on Facebook of a gay friend.  It said he was "tired of bigots".  Hmmm...yet, who is the bigot?

Bigots believe their way is superior to all other ways.  They believe their way is the only way.  Also, bigots are prejudice and intolerant of others.  Hmmmm, I can see the connection between the words "bigot" and "Christian".  However, are "liberal thinkers" not also bigots by this definition?  They view the world in many shades of gray, believing that no one way is the right way...but isn't this a belief in and of itself?  They are opposed to those who believe there is only one truth, not many different truths.  They scoff at those who hold the opposite opinion.  They think the only right way is to believe that no one way is the right way.  

So, can either groups truly call each other bigots?  I don't think so.

On another related note, I am tired of being made to feel that my views are mean, unfair, "old school", intolerant or just plain stupid.  I disagree and also think it is wrong to accuse me of holding "bad beliefs".  So what if I think homosexuality is a matter of one's surroundings more than a matter of genetics?  So what if I believe a fetus is a baby and should have a right to life?  Why do these things have to be constantly criticized?  Yet, if I were to bring up my criticisms, I would be made to look like a fool or a bad person?  In fact, I am afraid to tell people with opposing viewpoints my views, because I don't want to upset them.  I know how they will react.

It's unjust and I am tired of it.  I want to stand up for what I believe in, and not feel as though I am being judged for it.  I try not to judge others, and I would appreciate it if people would do the same for me.  No one can judge us, but God.  And until that day comes, I would like it if people would save their critiques of my life and everyone else's.

And, by the way, all of this most definitely makes it possible to have the gay friend that I do have.  I'm not judging him as an individual, but still find his way of life to be wrong.  However, I won't ridicule him for that.  I must command the same respect from him as well, and if he tries to tell me my way of thinking is wrong...well, we're going to have to have a few words.

Here are some pictures I edited using Picnik.  Yes, the Christmas ones are either, A) a year old or B) not Christmas photos (from Shelly's wedding).  Oh, well.  I really don't care.  I was very bored when I got home from class and decided that this was definitely the best use of my time.  So, anyway, here they are:

Awesome Cake

Okay, so this is a cake...WHAT?!?!

It was made by these people:  http://highlandbakery.com

AWKWARD! and Other Stuff

Whoever came up with the word "awkward" did a fantastic job.  It is such an awkward word to both say and write.  You kind of make a clicking sound when you speak it.  Writing it is always strange because it has that "wkw" in the middle.  When does that happen?  

That's not the point though.

Today, I was thinking about all the awkward moments I have had in life.  There are oh, so many.  Not even just in my life, but horribly awkward moments in my friends lives too.

A few examples:

• While creating signs for Relay for Life last year, a woman came up to my team and asked if she could borrow a marker.  Of course, we gave her one.  After quite some time (although not an exorbitant amount of time...), she still had not returned.  Upon realizing this, Caitlin tactfully asked for loudly demanded (albeit jokingly) the marker back.  Now, she clearly meant for those words to be heard only for the team members.  However, as she was saying this, I'm sure a look of horror fell upon my face.  As the words were coming out of her mouth, none other than the marker borrower herself appeared behind Caitlin.  She said nothing, but everyone was almost certain that she heard the words.  How AWKWARD!
• This is a story I heard from Chris.  He was in high school or middle school at the time, sitting at the lunch table.  As he and his friends were sitting around in a circle, they chatted.  Somehow the discussion turned to a boy he obviously didn't like.  At the very worst moment, Chris decided to say, "I hate Sean."  Of course, as life likes to do these sorts of things, the very second it came out of his mouth was the very second Sean had decided to sit down at the table...right next to him.  Clearly, he had heard the comment not intended for his ears.  Chris was at a loss of words to say, so he said what came to him, "Uhhh, I hate you."  AWKWARD!

Those are just some awkward horror stories.  There are countless times that I have walked into a room at the wrong time, sent a text to the wrong person, received a text intended for another person, seen things I shouldn't have seen, overheard a conversation I shouldn't have...the list goes on.

Oh, well!  That's life I guess.

By the way, just as a side note, here is a list of overused words/phrases that have been coming up a lot lately:

1. Awkward
2. Random
3. P.S.
4. Are you serious?
5. This is too much, it's just too much--okay this is just at my office...
6. Oh, wow.
7. GOBAMA, NOBAMA, McCan't/Failin (anyone remember Sore/Loserman in 2000, now that was a classic...)
8. Random cussing
9. Crazy, out of control
10. There is no #10, I am so sorry.

And, yes, I am guilty of half the list.  So, GOAL:  Don't use any of the above.  Or, at least use sparingly.  Maybe I should make a word pyramid, like the food pyramid.  Hmmm, I'll think about that.  PEACE.

And Another Thing...

Who's to say why I am writing yet another blog, only hours after writing the first one?  Here are my thoughts:

1. I like to write.
2. I like to read my own writing, much like one likes to hear his/her own voice.
3. I'm bored, and homework isn't tickling my fancy.
4. I felt like thinking about something other than the great act of democracy, election day, that occurred several hours ago.
5. As I lay under my Ralph Lauren comforter, wearing Prada glasses, using a Macbook, I felt I could do something that would make me just a little whiter.

Numbers one through four are almost definitely true.  Maybe five is something I should look deeper into my subconscious about.

The weather in Ohio has been quite warm the last few days.  I'm really enjoying it.  It's made the gloomy month of November a lot less gloomy.  It has actually been quite pleasant, and I've been running around outside trying to enjoy the last bits of nature, before bitter cold takes that away from me.

I am officially spending winter quarter in Ecuador.  Thinking about it is both frightening and exciting.  I wish I could explain that better, because I feel like I'm comparing it to riding a roller coaster with my previous sentence.  I'm excited to learn Spanish, first and foremost.  I think it will be extremely beneficial for my future.  Plus, I have always wanted to become more fluent in Spanish.  It has been a dream of mine for a really long time.  I'm also ready for a change of scenery.  Ohio has been good to me for almost 22 years, but I haven't seen much else.  I want and need to experience another part of the world.  However, amidst all my excitement, I'll be completely honest, I am more scared than anything.  Amongst many, many things I am afraid to leave this place (Ohio State, Ohio, America).  It's not the place I'm afraid to leave behind, but the people here.  It's a big step, for sure.  I'm also very nervous about living with a family I don't know, going to school and living in a country where I don't understand the language and spending my free time with people I will meet only 3 or 4 times prior to the trip.  

I have prayed though.  I prayed a lot before I found out whether or not I was going.  I believed that either way, God would let what needed to happen, happen.  I need to keep that in mind, especially since I have done a lot of questioning, especially questioning the seemingly inconvenient timing (for many reasons).  So, even though I'm a little frightened, I know that this was meant to happen.  I keep telling myself that God knows best and this happening for a reason.  Just trying to live by the "everything happens for a reason" motto, while realizing that God sees the whole picture, even when I can't.

Well, seeing as this blog has been all about me, and probably hasn't affected anyone outside of myself, I'm going to go to be and discontinue the rest.  Good night!

Change

I'm just going to say this...I'm a little afraid of the fact that Barack Obama is going to be our president it T-minus two and a half months.  Earlier this evening, this man was elected president.  What happens now?

Sometimes, I think people just vote because they think they should.  I think sometimes people go to church because they think they should, exercise because they think they should, believe a number of things--because they think they should.  Why though?  Why am I afraid of Barack Obama being the president?

Well, for one thing, it's not just him I'm worried about.  I'm worried that he, and his new band of about a million democrats are going to "get in there" and really, irrevocably ruin things.  Maybe this is a sign of the time that all empires hate to see.  The end of the empire.  I've always wondered when our time would come, but now, it seems closer than ever.  Soon, we'll be in a state where we cannot carry firearms, people have an even easier time murdering children than ever before and terrorists will easily be able to attack a nation that is pretty much doing the work for them by electing a leader with absolutely no experience leading anything.  

Wow, now that I think about it, I am even more worried.  Sure, President Bush has made his fair share of mistakes, but all in all, he hasn't been a bad president.  At least I have felt safe with him as commander in chief.  At least with Bush, I know that if someone attacks my country, threatening my homeland and killing my people, we are going to do something about it.  With Senator Obama, I feel as though we will just be a nation of pacifists, letting people attack us and refusing to fight back.  I'm just not ready to see the end of the empire, the fall of this once great nation.

Maybe, I am totally and completely wrong.  Maybe, this so called "change" that Obama promises will be good for our country.  Perhaps, I am the fool, and things will get much better.  And, I truly do hope that is what happens.  If Obama makes this country a greater, better place, then great.  I will then be cheering for Obama, listen to the multiple songs that have been dedicated to him...maybe I'll even buy the man's t-shirts.  Until then, he's my new president, and even if I really, really disagree with his policies, I suppose I have to submit to his authority.

Oh, America.  I really hope you can make it through the next four years.  I do still love you.