7 Years

I literally haven't written a blogpost in 7 years. Wow. That's pretty crazy, considering how much of an outlet this used to be for me.

Well, I could give a 7 year recap...but who has time for that? And also, no one reads this blog, but me!

So. Big news. Matt and I are going to have another baby! We just found out last week. I'm excited, nervous, ready, scared...I think this baby is going to be a catalyst for some major changes in our lives. When I had Charlotte, there were, of course, changes. However, with this baby, we are seriously considering me quitting my full-time job to be a full-time mom...or at the very least, mostly a full-time mom. (Though, can you really ever be a part-time mom?).

I'm feeling anxious about all the decisions coming up in the next 9 months. Anxious about telling people. Anxious about the preparation. Anxious about taking a giant leap of faith toward a life I don't even know if I will like or be remotely good at. I'm scared. Really scared actually. I'm afraid I'm not going to be a good stay at home mom. I'm afraid that I'm better as a working mom. Afraid we won't have enough money. Afraid the lifestyle change will be too hard. Afraid of regret. But, don't I already have regrets? I regret not spending enough time with my first little love. I regret working, working, working...for what? If I don't quit this year, I'm afraid I will burn out anyway.

Also, on my mind, sort of in the same vein as staying at home with my kiddos...I've thought a lot about homeschooling. I am seriously considering it. Why? Well, I want my kids to have the best possible education and I'm not sure that can be provided in a regular classroom with 31+ kids. I'm also not sure that I want my kids to be influenced by all the negative things that happen in a classroom and the things that are brought from the homes of others. I just feel like kids are exposed to way too much way too early. And, I love teaching. Teaching is fun for me. Lesson planning and creating exciting learning experiences is fun for me, so if I decide to go the SAHM route, I feel like I could still have the outlet that is provided by teaching. But...again, doubt creeps in. What if I'm terrible at it? What if I hate it? What if I screw my kids up for life? What if they have no friends? There are just so many what ifs.

As I sit here, I'm looking at the clock realizing it is way too late for me to be awake and hacking away at my keyboard. I'm exhausted and none of this will resolve itself over night (especially not the parts that won't even be on the table for 5 years). With that, I'm going to log off and call it a night.

Goodbye blog. I hope to see you before the next 7 years passes in a flash.